A group of colleagues and I met recently to talk about what it means to be “who you are”. One part of the discussion focused on how we develop our sense of self. In particular, we looked at the development of self similar to a developing story line. So much of our lives are centered around storytelling, even how we view ourselves. In fact, if we think about the story we tell about ourselves, it contains clues as to how we see ourselves. For example, do we tell a story about us being a victim? A hero? A comedian?
One part of this conversation that really struck me was how we are not the sole author of our story. Our story is actually authored by others around us as we receive information from them. Do others treat us kindly? Do others try to escape conversations with us? Are we mistreated? Are we welcomed? All of these experiences help us to form our story, or personal narrative. The part that really stands out for me is pondering on what story I am helping others write.
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I would like to think that I am helping others experience compassion from someone else. That I am helping them experience what it’s like to share their deepest secrets and not feel judged. I hope that I am sending them the message that they are of value, and then letting them enter it into their personal narrative however they want.
If we think about it, our words are powerful not only to ourselves, but to others. It’s a great responsibility that we have to help write the personal narrative of those around us, particularly those in our inner circle: spouses and partners, children, siblings, parents, close friends. I encourage us all to take a step back and to honestly consider what our contributions are and to make changes if necessary.
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