May 31, 2012 by
Categories: Relationships

We hurt people and we are hurt by people. These hurts range from something like a stinging comment (i.e., you are silly for believing that) to a stinging revelation (i.e., I have been with someone else). At multiple points throughout our lives, we will all experience instances in which we are hurt by a partner/parent/friend/sibling.

I struggle with hurt. I do not like hurting people and I do not like it when I am hurt by someone. I have a feeling that most of you feel similarly. However, no matter how much we strive to be in relationships void of hurt, it exists.

I am going to put myself out there…I am going to focus on a time when I have hurt someone instead of a time when I have been hurt.

I have two brothers. I love them deeply and would do just about anything for them. Their happiness is one of the most important things in this world to me. The goofy grins that they get on their faces after telling a really corny joke can put a smile on my face for hours.

One of my brothers was in a relationship with someone who he cared very deeply for. For various reasons, I did not approve of her. I could blame it on the fact that I am a protective older sister but that would be a cop out. I flat out did not approve of her and I made it known to him.

It was not until a year or so after their breakup that he told me how much my comments had hurt him. I truly believed that I was helping him with my comments. However, when I stopped and listened to him tell me how much those comments had hurt him, I was devastated. The same little brother that I would do anything for to ensure his happiness and safety was hurt by biting comments that I said.

You may be able to relate to this. To be honest, I am having a hard time writing this. I am embarrassed to admit that I hurt someone like that.

I am fortunate in that my brother is a very loving man. We have been able to get past the damage that I did and now share a very close relationship. I have apologized and did so sincerely. I did not try to protect myself with excuses. I owned up to it.

I have not always been able to own up to my mistakes but it is something that I strive to do. As someone who has experienced hurt…a simple apology can go a long way. A relationship without accountability and apologies is a breeding ground for resentment.

I have worked with many people who simply long for their partner/parent/friend/sibling to apologize.

An apology is a matter of acknowledging the hurt that we have caused and then taking accountability. It is a moment in which we have to set aside our pride in order to protect the relationships that matter most to us.


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