I have spent too much of my life apologizing for various things:
I threw around the word “sorry” carelessly instead of reserving it for actions or words that necessitated a need for forgiveness or relationship mending. I constantly apologized for who I was and how I expressed myself. I feel in the way, I’m sorry. I don’t feel confident about what I’m about to say, so I’m sorry. I am about to say no, and I hate saying no, so I’m sorry. SO sorry.
No. More. Apologies.
I will always try my best to own up to my flaws, but I will not apologize for them. If my mistakes do hurt you unintentionally I will apologize for the mistake, but not for the flaw. I am a work in progress and my imperfections constantly challenge me and raise me to be my best self.
I will not apologize for how I default to how I feel or how others feel to inform many decisions. It is my natural tendency and it does not make me weak. My own capacity to deeply think and feel can be the very thing to make me stumble, to feel ache, and to sometimes want to close off to others. Empathy can simultaneously be so heavy and light. But it’s also what truly brightens my world. I feel most connected to others and life when I’m not just experiencing one level of any feeling. My “happiest” moments have followed my hardest ones, because I was able to genuinely feel the difference.
I will not apologize for thinking differently than you or not doing things the way YOU think is right. This is a big one for me. It’s so easy for me to get caught up in comparing myself to others and thus feel less resolve in my work or decisions because it goes against the grain OR because I just don’t have enough confidence to believe in it. Deep down I KNOW that if you don’t do things authentic to your style and beliefs, the quality of your work and life is reduced and it is at service to no one.
I will not apologize for asking questions. I will not apologize for taking your time, especially if you are offering it to me. I will not apologize for being too sad, or too happy for that matter. I will not apologize for my truths, even if you disagree. I will not apologize for taking my own timeline to grieve. I will not apologize for standing up for what I believe in. I will not apologize and attribute my thought or feeling towards being a woman.
I will not. And if I do, I will forgive myself and try not to apologize the next time.
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No Thoughts About no more apologies.