I recently realized something about myself that is, in all likelihood, applicable to you.
It is hard to hear the things that we most need to hear about ourselves.
Most of the time, it is much easier to raise our defenses than to embrace the truth. Embracing the truth requires that we are vulnerable….something that takes guts.
I think that many of us would like to view ourselves as gracefully gliding through life. In reality, I think that most of us stumble over ourselves trying to be a certain way. Perfect, brave, respected, intelligent, funny, loved, beautiful.
So, when someone tells you are not gracefully gliding through life, it can feel like a huge blow.
The conversations in which we learn that we are stumbling are seldom invited conversations. I can’t remember the last time that I sat down with someone and asked them for a play by play of my stumbling. What I want to hear from loved ones is that I am loved and okay just the way that I am. I don’t want someone to point out what I have been stumbling over. It’s terrifying…mostly because it validates a thought that I have already had but that I have been desperately trying to avoid.
Having recently had one of these conversations, I can say that I am grateful for it. It was hard and it hurt but it was worth it.
I cannot help but think about how these conversations tie into therapy. It is so hard to put yourself in a situation in which you expose everything to another person…a situation in which you almost invite that conversation.
It takes courage to put yourself in that situation. To recognize that something is amiss and to address it. To open yourself to a challenge.
With that said, I do want to be clear about one thing. We all know ourselves best. These kinds of conversations are valuable but in no way should leave us questioning our worth.
I had that conversation but still believe that despite my occasional stumbles, I am a good person and I am proud of who I am. I have gone through many storms that have made me who I am but I am grateful to have weathered them. These storms have how I view and handle my struggles and have ultimately made me the unique person that I am. So…
It is hard to hear the things that we most need to hear about ourselves but we are fortunate to have people (partners, friends, family, therapists) who care enough to help us recognize and hold our hands through the storms.
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No Thoughts About Hard words