why we have the wall
December 12, 2012 by
Categories: Emotions

I need to be honest. There are times when I feel lost for words. I want so badly to write a post to capture a new thing I learned about the world or life, how I felt that week, or anything at all that you can relate to.

This is one of those times. I wrote and re-wrote a first paragraph, but did not feel pulled by anything. When I don’t feel a genuine rush or urge to write out a post, I am thrown off. Because there have been countless moments where I have written one in my mind, on the train, at my desk at work, or before going to bed. The writing is there, but it is trapped.

The reason why I am sharing this is beyond writing. It is because when I have this feeling in general, I equate it to a “wall.” To something blocking me from feeling what I need to feel. Maybe it is newly there to protect me, or maybe I am used to having it there for times when it was necessary to retreat. It can be easy to carry a habit that is not longer needed– especially if you’re not sure what will take its place.

This term– “the wall” is often used in therapy or in relationships. Countless times I have heard the expression “he/she is putting up a wall.”  It’s something that not only shuts people or feelings out, but shuts you out.

Right now, I realize that I could put in more work towards tearing the wall down and finding out what is behind it. More importantly, it is beneficial to ask myself why it was put up in the first place.  And deep down, I know why. But at the surface, I know that tonight I am okay leaving it as is.

A take away for myself and hopefully for readers is when you encounter someone with a ‘wall” and feel put off or that it’s personal to you, remember that walls are always put up for a reason. Think about a time that you had one and how important it was to you- whether it lasted a day, month, or years. Instead of feeling like you have to knock down the wall all at once, consider opening a window. Bit by bit, you will get to the other side.

What are your thoughts? When do you find yourself throwing up a wall? What does it feel like when others have it?

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One Thought About why we have the wall

  • Kristyn December 13, 2012 at 9:08 am Reply

    For me, the wall is often a defense mechanism. It is an acknowledgement that I cannot deal with whatever it is that is begging to be dealt with. Thank you for sharing, Fatimah. It is a reminder of how we all often struggle with many of the same things.

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