I recently came across this video on the blog of On Being, a public radio program that focuses on the big questions of life, often intersecting science, religion, and the human spirit. This video is by Hanan Harchol, an artist who creates animated videos focusing on Jewish traditions.
Here, he asks the common question, “What does giving have to do with love?” The conversation takes place in the car with his parents (And he actually imitates the voices of his own parents here.) The video raises the idea that people are too focused on what they can get out of a relationship.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1QvHdfx1ec]
The concept of love is intangible, and I have listened to many people struggle to define it. In my graduate work, I have helped lead a course on mate selection and dating, and I have realized that people of all ages and with a variety of backgrounds define it differently. My personal definition of love has even changed as I journey through each stage of my life. I think it is important to determine what it means – and what you want it to mean – to you. Maybe this video will help you begin.
So what do you think? Do we give because we love? Or love because we give?
6 Thoughts About Fish Love and Real Love
You ask difficult questions!
I think in a relationship where both people are not doing each other harm (emotionally or physically), then we certainly love because we give.
Even in a relationship where harm is absent, reaching that kind of giving and loving is something to strive for.
Good thoughts!
Trent, I agree that this concept mainly applies to healthy relationships (even if they are unhappy ones.) When you bring in the topic of power and control, giving is a foggy concept shrouded in not only love but also fear. Good point!
I believe I give because I love. Because I love, I wish to provide pleasurable experiences, help with a task, provide encouragement and be available to listen to the object of my love without preconditions. This is true with my fiancee, immediate family and life-long friends. This expression of love has evolved as I have married, reared a family, lost a wife of 37 years to cancer and became engaged to the woman I will spend the remainder of my life with.
Norm, you make a great point – giving that comes from a place of love is done without expectations. Many couples forget this concept from time to time, myself included. Thank you so much for sharing!
This is a tough question. Perhaps this is a cop-out, but I think it’s a little bit of both. I think we have to give to allow love to grow. Then as the love grows we give because we live the person. But what do I know about love really???
Amy, you know a lot about love! You’ve experienced it in so many different ways – with parents, grandparents, siblings, pets, and in marriage. In fact, your experiences may give you a better understanding of love, in that it has many sides to it. But, I agree with you that giving helps love to grow, which in turn, can be a great foundation for the rest of the relationship. Thank you for sharing, Amy!