If I was going to get the experience I really wanted, I had to go for it.  With leaps, tip-toes, and awkward body movements, I made my way through the crowd of people and blankets towards the front of the stage.  With every step I made, I felt awkward and like I was inconveniencing everyone around me.  Normally I would avoid this feeling, but this time, it was worth making it to the front.  I didn’t drive 4 hours to watch one of my favorite bands from a mediocre spot!

There was a point when I thought, “Ok, I’ve made it pretty far through the crowd, I’m a lot closer than I could have been, maybe this will be good enough.”  Deep down inside, though, I knew it wasn’t.  With the encouragement of my friend, we scouted a path to get closer.  “Ok,” I said, “let’s do this.”  Several more awkward tip-toes and attempts to not walk on blankets or their people, we finally made it to the front.  “Wow!  I’m so close!” I thought.  “I can see every facial expression, guitar pick drop, and bead of sweat flung from the band.”  I was so close to the band that I had several of those moments where I thought, “Is he looking at me?  Oh my gosh, I think he’s looking at me!  Wait, nooooo, no way.  Wait…maybe!  I’ll just keep staring and smiling and maybe he’ll fall in love with me.”

Reflecting on this momentous experience, I keep remembering my common human struggle of limiting myself.  I have been decently good at pocketing my nerves and diving into uncomfortable situations just to push myself, learn about myself, and gain a worthwhile experience.  Sometimes, though, nerves take over and I will let my inhibitions cage me in as my eyes see what I could be doing and my heart yearns for the experience I could be having.  Insecurity is such a strong persuader.

I have learned that most of the time, the main thing stopping me from experiencing something is myself.  The main persuader limiting my imagination and dreams is my own self.

A few years ago, my dad sent me an email with a quote from Mark Twain, “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails,  Explore.  Dream.  Discover.”  I printed this quote and it continues to hang on the file cabinet right behind my office chair.

Yes, Mark Twain.  Yes, Dad.  This is the attitude I want to have always.  When I’m thinking about my future career, when I’m dreaming of all the traveling I want to do, when I think of the kind of guy I want to marry, I want to have this attitude.

I believe that, for the most part, I am the one that is guilty of limiting myself.  I’m the one guilty of holding myself back from the experiences and dreams that I yearn for.  It takes a lot of work and even more courage, but I want to keep throwing off those bowlines and sailing away from the safe harbor.  I want to explore, dream, and discover.

Oh, by the way, the concert I’m talking about here is the Mumford and Sons show in Bristol, VA/TN.  And honestly, while my friend and I made it to the front of the stage, we probably could have crept up just a little bit closer.  I guess I’m still working on it.

The concert crowd. Still can’t believe I made it to the front.