You know that phrase, “the grass is greener on the other side”? Well, we all know that is not necessarily true. Even though we know this, we sometimes still have a hard time believing that our side is still green or maybe even greener in some ways. This has been my challenge as of late. I have entered a wrestling match with loneliness. At times, loneliness has almost knocked me out. Despite my lowest moments, I’m starting to stand once again ready to figure out how to throw my best left hook into the face of this feeling.
It hasn’t been easy, but encouragement from loved ones and bits of inspiration have helped. I recently caught up on my friend Heather’s blog where she talked about the importance of not forgetting all the wonderful things you already have on your side of the fence. My friend (paired with a much needed conversation with my dad) really inspired me to think of my loneliness in a new way…”perhaps I can not only let myself feel through the loneliness, but go further and find ways to show appreciation to the blessings I already have.” So I decided, it is time to find the green on my side again.
In reading an article recently about traveling alone, I remembered how much exploration is so fulfilling for me and how inspired about life I become as a result. “So,” I thought, “that does it. It is time to re-explore the green again.” That day I ended up taking my car to the car wash and having fun with the high-pressured water “gun” and finding old pens and buttons while vacuuming. Today on a photography assignment, I decided to have a little fun and take a series of pictures featuring my favorite ring on statues of horse jockeys. It kind of feels like a parody of engagement photos where the photographer tries to capture the wedding rings in really cool, creative, and unexpected places.
This “exploration” might sound weird to you, but it represented something important for me. I was able to get through the tough moments and do something positive, and even fun with my loneliness. (Is laughing with myself, alone too weird?) This is something I may have not made time to do if I wasn’t alone with no plans.
I plan to continue my exploration in other ways, like finding a fun wilderness trip to go on hosted by a local outdoors store, but I think the most important part of it all (at least at the moment) is that I learned how to embrace the loneliness in a bigger way. In a way that not only appreciates the experience of feeling lonely, but also appreciates what I get to take advantage of as a result of being alone. I mean, being married and having kids one day will be utterly wonderful, but I likely won’t have the same degree of freedom and spontaneity that I cherish so much now.
My side is green. It’s soooooooo green. And it always has been. I just had to remember.
What is the forgotten green in your life?
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No Thoughts About Where Did My Green Go?