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I will forever be grateful to my parents. They provided me with a model of what it really means to stick by your partner’s side…through thick and thin.

I think that our romantic culture does us a disservice sometimes. There is this message floating around that it’s okay to abandon ship when things get tough. Mostly because some of us carry around an attitude of deserving  more. Of always being the center of attention. Yes, I did just say that. It may sound harsh but I really do think that it is true.

There is even a theory that discusses this attitude of deserving more. It’s called social exchange theory. To put it in a nutshell, social exchange theorists believe that we are constantly evaluating the rewards and costs associated with our relationship. They also believe that we have this comparison of alternatives, meaning that we consider alternative partners…basically, if we could do any better with someone else.

It sounds harsh but it does happen. We do have those moments in which we evaluate our relationships. Those are the moments in which through thick and thin really means a lot.

Life is not predictable. We never know what is going to be thrown our way. In some ways, it is easier to navigate the unknown by ourselves. We don’t have to think of someone else. We just think of ourselves and what we want and need.

However, life is just not the same without someone else to share it with. And it is so much better to have someone by our side when life throws the unpredictable our way.

We have to be aware that it’s not always going to be easy. We have to accept that the not so fun parts are okay because we know that the really great parts are on the other side.

I watched my parents go through a lot…normal marital squabbles, the pressure of raising three children, unemployment, and cancer. I’m not saying that it was easy for them but they did commit to through thick and thin. They showed me that it can be done which has inspired the hope that I have in my own relationship and the hope that I have for the couples who I work with.

On a personal note. Tomorrow would be my parents’ 27th wedding anniversary and even though my mom is not here to celebrate it…happy anniversary to my two wonderful parents.  Thank you for what you taught me.

 

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