Happy couples…happy valentine’s day!
February 14, 2013 by
Categories: Relationships

I will wholeheartedly admit it. I read research articles from time to time…just for fun. Most of the articles that I choose to read focus on a topic that I can relate to or that one of my clients may be able to relate to.

Earlier this week, I stumbled across a news article that presented the findings on research conducted by John Gottman (a very well known couples researcher). The purpose of the article was to inform couples of one of the “fundamental tenets for achieving happiness.”

Simply stated, Gottman found that the most satisfying marriages are those in which couples are able to transform negative emotion into positive feelings.

For couples in the newlywed phase, this may provoke a response of “easy peasy lemon squeezy.”

However, for couples who are a little farther along into their relationship, this may provoke a response of “psshhh, easier said than done.”

Regardless of what relationship phase you are in…these findings are important to pay attention to.

Happy couple

Gottman essentially found that happy couples:

1. Allow discussion of the important stuff 

2. Avoid arguing about the small stuff (i.e., the infamous toothpaste tube/toilet seat argument)

3. Maintain respect for each other’s opinions when they do argue

4. Find a  solution that includes some elements of what each person needs to be happy

These four suggestions appear so simple but are really difficult to keep in mind…especially when we are hurt.

So, the next time that you have the urge to pick at your partner…ask yourself if the issue is really important to address. If it is, remember to maintain respect for your partner.

After all, these are the people whom have chosen to love you and whom you have chosen to love.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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